I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
