So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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