my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
