Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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