she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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