i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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