well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I didn't notice because vodka
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
