nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
