so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
