halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
