I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
