she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
