Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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