he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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