Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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