I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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