Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
