dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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