I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
