I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
