Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
