I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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