my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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