I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
