My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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