he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
