he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
