guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Someone shattered a urinal.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
