the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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