he thought i was a dude.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
