new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if only i could text you this smell
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
