She is in my trunk
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
