We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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