He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
