wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
