God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
