1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
