You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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