My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
