There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just had sex bonerless
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
