You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.