you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.