My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
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I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"