my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
