I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's never too late to be topless.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
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Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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