Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
