I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
