I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
