Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my being single is dangerous.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
