I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
