Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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