when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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