My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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