Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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