Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
