I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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