Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
