dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
