I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
