life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
