I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
