Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
