i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
