you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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