you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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