He uses pillows to masturbate.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
