Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
